Redha

Tafsir of “jiwa yang tenang” by Imam Mujahid:

“….jiwa yang redha dengan ketentuan Allah yang tahu bahawa sesuatu yang bukan bahagiannya, pasti tidak akan menimpanya, dan sesuatu yang menjadi bahagiannya, pasti akan menimpanya”.

When I came across this tafsir it struck me that, “Yes! This is it! This is how I feel”.  This is how I am able to accept and live with everything that happened in my life without regret, rancour or ill will. I’m no angel but I have this absolute conviction that when I was up there somewhere before coming down to this blessed earth in human form, I had cut a deal with Allah. I had told Him what I wanted to experience during this “short” stint on earth, I could have, perhaps, arrogantly, decided (then) that since my sojourn on earth would be short (I mean it’s only the duration of Dhuha after all), I could heck the circumstances that later occurred in my “human” life.

Hence, my high acceptance level (that’s what people tell me). I figured that since I was the one who requested these experiences, and Allah, being the generous and loving God that He is, granted me my wishes to the letter, then why should I bitch about it! I wanted it, He granted it, so I figured I’d better accept it and live with it. PERIOD!

And with this acceptance came a calmness akin to “what will be, will be”. That’s not to say I don’t experience the normal gamut of emotions like anger, sadness, disappointment, disillusionment and the like…it’s only that these emotions don’t last very long in me. I’d just istighfar and tell myself, “Why am I bitching about getting my wishes?” – yes…I talk to myself a lot! Being a down to earth and rational person also helped me tremendously in coming to terms with my life’s issues and emotions. Also that istighfar, when I recite it often and long enough, cools me down and gets me into “grateful” mode. And I’d smile again…After a while, NOTHING is ever bad enough or too tough to handle. After all I have Allah to rely on and rooting for me – who could possibly do better than Him!

Over the years as I got older and, somewhat, wiser, I would get into “grateful” mode every time I got hit by a curveball. It got me to thanking Allah for jolting me out of my complacency or blasé state. If those curveballs didn’t hit me now and then, I guess I would have just drifted along mindlessly – doing more of the same mindless pursuits…getting nowhere significant. I can’t imagine living a life where its major milestone is dying!

Did this acceptance get me to be a good muslimah? Nope! I was still lackadaisical about solat (prayer) for instance. I would have spurts of total, soul-immersed devotion where I would stay up nights praying my heart and limbs out. Then I would get back to not praying or praying sporadically. My mum used to say this about my habit, “Hang tu musim durian pun selalu datang dari hang sembahyang” [the durian season comes a lot more often than the number of times I pray]. There was only one practice I was diligent at – zikir. For some reason this habit, which was inculcated in me since I was a little child, stayed with me throughout my life so far. Perhaps because it is so easy to do. I could do it without wudhu’, sitting down, standing up, while walking, running, reading, watching television, and even while chatting. I could do it during my senses, too. It needed no special rituals, no special garb. And I believe that this habit contributed to saving my soul.

…..to be continued.……